it runs deep within the blood of those whom I am related, tracing back to the days where hospital beds were only center meters apart. where people would go, stay and if they left they would defiantly be back, no doubt. she grew up watching that, from a young age she crept silently around a house where a cloud heavily hung above, where a shadow covered a the light of a upbringing unknown. If it was in the blood she watched and in hers it must have trickled into mine?
Its invisible. A man can walk along the street, there is nothing visible, tangible, malleable to become aware. There is a lack of attention span in this world, no one stands still for one second, no one makes eye contact any more, no one can hold a conversation. When I say 'no one' this is an exaggeration but there is truly a lack there of from where I stand. No one sticks around long enough to read the signs. And god forbid stick around to learn about them, nor want to. Heavens, who would want to go deeper than skin?
I no longer can stand this shallow, selfish shit. Nor will I be lumped into a heard of sheep which right now I feel as though I'm expected to be apart of. I am no sheep, when it comes to this, learn this now.
Maybe it is because it is in my blood. Maybe I may not suffer it but have an understanding or a want to understand it because it is present in my ancestry. I never knew how strongly, but I wanted answers, and answers is what I got. A horrific reality which was again hidden from me. A secret? To protect me? Don't tell lies or keep secrets. I found out about my blood from both sources 18, 19, 20 years (too) late. I won't raise my blood like that. I won't do it. Take the good I guess learn the lessons, but that doesn't remove the pain, just remember to feel it. I forget to do that sometimes. It helps the steps forward, they say.
Every time leaves marks on my skin. But they'll go, they'll heal.
Lack of control is a frightening concept.
I love you and every day i'll tell you
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